I’m not screaming at anyone.
I’m not acting on impulse.
I’m not laying in bed watching sad movies and feeling sorry for myself.
None of that today.
I’m just really pissed off, and for some reason today just feels like a bad day to be pissed off.
Not to mention I’m hung over, again.
The “adult” figures in my life have expressed their concern, but honestly I really don’t care… at all.
Why would I want to sit around and do nothing, when others are drinking and smoking?
I mean obviously I’m not making the best life choices most days, a year ago that would matter.
Unfortunately, time kept moving, I stopped caring, and so did everyone else.
Today just sucks, I don’t like it.
Most days I go for that “positive outlook” on life, ya know try to make other people see the good that I already see.
Except today is not most days, today is a day where I sit around and briefly acknowledge all the issues I’m not yet ready to face.
Ever do that? Know there’s an issue in your life you should take care of, but you don’t know how therefore you don’t?
It’s fucking annoying.
So here’s what I do, I smoke a bowl, take a shot and go back to bed. Because being intoxicated is so much easier than living with all this pain.
If you talked to anyone I know, they would tell you I like to make light of my situations, and I do.
That’s also because it’s just so much easier to be funny about it, than to let anyone know how much this really hurts.
It hurts in ways I didn’t know I could hurt. It hurts so bad that no self destruction would help.
You can’t inflict enough pain, to forget about losing someone.
And you sure as hell can’t do anything to bring them back.