de·ni·al noun \di-ˈnī(-ə)l, dē-\
a statement saying that something is not true or real : a statement in which someone denies something
I did not exactly select this word to accompany me this year, it was more or less an uninvited guest. We’ve been a lot of places this year, and denial has turned me inside out, it’s been naggy, in the way, and a complete waste of my time.
Which is ironic, because the whole point of denial is pretending something isn’t there.
Yet day in and day out denial awakes me and reminds me what I’m trying to put behind me and I just can’t take it any more.
This vacation with denial has gone on for long enough, now it is time to set my demons free.
rat·i·fy transitive verb \ˈra-tə-ˌfī\
I don’t believe there’s much more to say about it. I cannot free my demons until I myself have the courage to see them for myself.
My life has been tragic and honestly, a bit depressing, but that doesn’t mean every year following has to be the same.
This year is about finding me, and who I am and I fully intend to take advantage of that.
Even if it means I have to deal with the hard stuff, it only makes me feel stronger.