I’ve missed a few days of this new fun in the blogging world! I’ve actually missed a lot of time blogging and todays #reverb12 topic is actually very fitting for what I wanted to share with my readers today anyways.
As you know I haven’t updated since October 15th: three days after I turned 18, and five days after I lost my mother.
My mom was 36 years old and her death was completely unexpected, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. It’s been almost two months and it still feels like it happened yesterday.
That being said my most important relationship was the incredibly close relationship I had with my mother.
My mom, Belinda Mross was a funny woman, she was crazy, and then of course she was sometimes unbearable. We didn’t have your typical mother daughter relationship, while some days were good and others not so much we had a bond I felt wasn’t the same as others.
My mom was sick, not sick enough to die, but she spend majority of her adult life sick. That being said I had to grow up fairly fast. I didn’t get the luxury of having the lovely childhood I dreamed of, but looking back on it I’m kind of glad I didn’t have that. I spent a lot of time taking care of my siblings and my mom. I spent a lot of time doing things I didn’t think kids my age were doing (trust me I was right on that one). It became normal for me to be more mature than all of my other friends,and as I got older instead of spending my weekends going out and getting drunk or being stupid I enjoyed spending time with my mom, sometimes we’d go out to Apple bees and spend hours there just laughing about stupid things, other nights I didn’t want to be anywhere near her.
I miss my mom a lot, and at the most random moments I feel an emptiness knowing that her person isn’t still here. I know she’s there in spirit and will always be with me and maybe I’m still in some stage of anger but that doesn’t make me feel better. When I can’t call my mom or tell her something really random just to see her reaction it upsets me, sure she may be looking down on me but it’s not the same.
There is no way to maintain a relationship with the dead, other than respect their wishes. So I intend to graduate high school (on time) and start college in the fall of 2013. Finishing school was important to my mom, so I plan to do that for not just her but for both of us.