Over the past year I can definitely say that I was in denial about a lot of things. Not only that, but I was also ignoring the problems that were right in front of me.
I turned to alternative methods to make myself feel better. I started drinking more, smoking all the time, it really wasn’t pretty. But it did make me feel good, being in a haze-like state helped me forget all the shit I’d been put through.
It was a random night during an average week when I finally asked myself what the hell I was doing.
I’m a musician, a writer, a reader, an attempted knitter. I have so many talents and hobbies, and instead I was spending most of my nights drinking and smoking, doing nothing productive in the process.
After that night I started writing more, I’d like to say that my technique and style has more than improved.
I started reading more, making the time to do so.
Honestly I went back to living. I let substance trick me into thinking it controlled me.
I control me, I chose where I’m going, and I’m the only one who can accept my past and move on.
No drink, nor drug and bring back all that I’ve lost, and when I thought about that everything else seemed pretty insignificant.
This year what made my soul feel nourished was accepting that life is going to hit you in so many ways, good or bad. Life is going to put you through every emotion possible, and most days you’ll feel drained and wasted. Taking time to understand that what happens to you is inevitable, that you need to take control of your actions and emotions could really strengthen you as a person. Knowing that the little things that upset you won’t affect you in ten years is really liberating. Almost as if it’s all the weight lifted off your shoulders.