Brain Matter

A simple idea is formed in my mind every few seconds, I don’t know where they come from, I usually don’t know where they intend to go, yet I appreciate every one so deeply. My mind sometimes feels like a busy New York street, buzzing and beeping! An awful thing here a delightful thing there, an infinite amount of action and not enough time to see it all happen piece by piece.

I kick myself from time to time because I do not sit down and jot anything down, all those thoughts wasted.. erased. So long New York, you talented state, I waste you away and I cannot give you one good reason why, this life is throwing everything at me and I think I have nothing. That’s wrong, I have my writing, my knitting, and a cute little puppy. I find comfort in the negative, again, not sure as to why. Forgetting there are things in my life to be proud of, sure I didn’t send a robot to the moon, or write the latest pop break up song. Yet by simply being me, by simply being here, that is enough to be thankful for. Hope is only a tiny little person walking down Bleecker Street, and one thought will only get ya so far. So here’s to you, you lazy shmuck, don’t forget to live the life you always said you would. There are people out there who are counting on you to fail, for their own feeble minds are ready to dine on your woes.

**Please share feedback, I’m having conflicting thoughts on this one. Thanks!


A Moment With the Real Me

Usually for the writing done on this blog there is no plan, no outlines, no pre-writing. This is the place where I just write, whatever usually comes into my head, and I never usually share my personal writing because I’m not sure how people would react to it. Some of my more personal work is dark, twisted, morbid, but what the hell, why not.

But please remember, this is all fictional, none of this is real.

She said this time she’s really leaving.

                Sometimes she says that.

                                                                It’s always hard to tell if she’s bluffing.

                She’s got two suitcases packed.

                                                                                                She’s serious.

                                Maybe I should tell her to stay.

                                                                But they said we don’t need her anymore.  

So really she should just go.

                I’m sitting on the floor, I think I can see her crying.

                                And I think she might be yelling.

                                                                                It kind of sounds like she is asking me to try.



But why?


Why would I want to try and make her stay, if we don’t need her anymore?


                                                                                The door slammed.

                                No more sweet Allison at night.

I don’t need her, she was crazy.


                                                                                                                                She will be back soon anyhow.


I get up off the floor, and move to the bathroom.

I taped a blade to the bottom of the bathroom sink a few months ago.

                                I haven’t seen my own blood in weeks.

                                                                I closed my eyes once the cold blade was in my hand.

And I cut.

                                                                                                I cut deep into my arm, and I inhale sharply.

I don’t open my eyes, but I see my blood.

                                It looks like Allison.

And it looks like my brother.

                                                                                It looks like what has been stolen.

                                                                                                                                                And what I’ve lost.

I crawl into the tub and I lay there, letting my arm bleed.

                                They tell me by doing this, I can see. I can see everything they want me to know.

So I take the blade, and cut once more into my thigh.

                                The blood looks like my stolen childhood.

                                                                                                                                It looks like drugs.

Like sex.

                                                My blood looks like everything I have ever done wrong in my life.

Everything that makes me human.

                                They make me feel as though I’m not human.

                                                Like I’m just a host for them to play around in.





                                                                                                                They’ve taken everything from me.

When I was nine, my brother told my mom about Stella.


Now Stella was not the first one that came to me, but she is the one who started this mess.

                                At first, I did not talk to them aloud. Archie, the first one that came to me, told me if I talked to them with my mouth that someone could hear me, and they would not understand.

                I guess I was the only one who could see them.

Tucker, my brother, once heard me fighting with Stella.

                                We did that a lot.

                                                                                Looking back now, Stella had a lot of passion. She was always getting me to try and do things I knew I shouldn’t do.


Like talking to her with my mouth.

Tucker told mom that I was yelling at myself in the bathroom for an hour.

Tucker could tell on me because he was thirteen so he was obviously entitled.

Mom asked me why I was yelling at myself in the bathroom.

                I said I didn’t know what she was talking about.

Mom asked me if Tucker was being a liar.

                I said this time Tucker kind of is a liar.

Mom asked me what I meant.

                I said I was yelling, but not at myself.

That’s when Stella told me to shut my fucking mouth.

Mom asked me who was in the bathroom with me.

                I said I didn’t know what she was talking about.

Mom said, if you weren’t yelling at yourself, someone had to be in there with you.

                I said she was right.

Stella began screaming so loud in my head.

Mom said something but I couldn’t hear her.

                I think I screamed.

Moms lips moved some more, but she didn’t look scared.

Stella was still screaming.

                I dug my fingers into my face and began to scream.


I have a scar under my left eye from that day.

                                                Weird how that works out.




He was really good at hiding it, we had no idea what was going on until his brother mentioned he was arguing with himself in the bathroom. 

They’re Smoothielicious!

 Banana Oatmeal SmoothieSo as you can see this is a Banana Oatmeal Smoothie, I saw it on pinterest and immediately thought I needed to try it, and I know I don’t post recipes on here but this one was so good I just had to post it.

Oh by the way if you’re thinking I’m giving you the recipe for a BOS then I’m sorry to have misled you. I didn’t have Bananas at my house so I mixed it up a little. My Great Grandparents had given us a ton  of apples to take home from Michigan so I decided to try and make a Apple Oatmeal Smoothie, and let me tell you: It was delicious.

So here’s what I did:

-I had 1 cup of oats and 1 1/3 of water, mixed it together then microwaved it.

-I put two cups of milk in the blender

-While I waited for the oatmeal to be done I began cutting 1 apple (I would prefer using 1 1/2)

-When the Oatmeal was done I put it in the blender, then added the cut up apple pieces

-Then I added brown sugar (not a specific amount just as much as I wanted), honey, and a dash of cinnamon (again no specific measurements on this one)

-I then closed the blender and blended

You can drink immediately after blending or add ice to drink it chilled.

My mom hasn’t tried it yet but so far I think it’s amazing. It tastes just like oatmeal with the sweetness of apples and brown sugar.

After making this smoothie I was thinking about it and I think I want to start making more smoothies and selling them. My business would be called “Smoothielicious”. I’d probably charge about 2.00 and if you give me your mug I’d fill it with whatever you asked for and bring it to you the next day (obviously this is meant for students at Hale) What do you think?

Too Gay? Seriously?!

Today on Facebook I was looking at my news feed and I saw that some people had read this article Curious, I clicked on the link and was absolutely furious! Why? Not because they think he’s too stereo typical gay but because people think Glee should have an uber hunky football player or something like that.

Why do they need that? I like Kurt’s character and so what if he’s too stereo typical. Believe it or not there are people like that in this world. Besides haven’t these people seen Degrassi? There is a hunky gay guy on there, and no one seems to be saying anything negative about that.

The show Glee is all about being different, and staying true to who you are or becoming who you’re afraid you really are, so Kurt is Kurt and he should honestly stay that way because many people (who are or wish to come out to be like him) are inspired by him and look up to him. Changing who his character is would just be stupid.

What do you guys think? Is Kurt too gay? Or is his character perfectly fine?

A Blurb For Who?

Okay so on Facebook I was really bored and made the mistake of making this status:

“like and I’ll post a small blurb about you on my blog. (will be posted tomorrow)

Well, here goes nothing.

Kimmy Banks: You’re super funny. We don’t talk a whole lot, even when you do come to visit which I don’t know why because I like you and all. But you’re really nice and I wish I got to see you more often!

Imani Alexandria: You have absolutely no idea what you’re doing in web design. You’re funny though and you’re polite about asking for help. You seem really nice but we don’t ever really talk unless you’re asking me for help. BTW your hair was so pretty when it was straight!

Anthony Helm: We used to be like BEST FRIENDS in elementary school and now we never even talk which really upsets me. You are so funny and I remember when Mr. V made us run all the time you’d roll your shirt up like a girl and it was super funny. I miss you and we should totally talk more.

Misbah Noorani: Oh there’s so much to say about you! You’re a really smart girl and I love your sense of style. I also love how honest you are and you’re not afraid to be honest either. You crack me up in AP Lang when you do all the weird things you do! Oh if only Mr. Mulligan noticed you like he noticed my hiccups ONE TIME! Anyways, you’re a really good friend to have and I hope we continue talking even after high school

Alex Anania: We don’t really talk a whole lot, but you’re a very nice guy. I made the effort to talk to you more but you just weren’t making a whole lot of sense.

Chris Walker: Ah, my civics bud! You’re so nice and really funny. You listen to me when I need to complain about other Chris and open my locker for me when I can’t. We still need to learn the Footloose dance and have our Patrick Swayze marathon!

Nic Jansen: I miss having band with you and we honestly do need to hang out again soon. I miss hanging out with REAL PEOPLE.

Alex Engel: You haven’t really gotten the message that I’m ignoring you right now. So here’s the message: I’m ignoring you right now.

Oscar Gallegos: And what not! I know I still owe your $5 and I’m working on that but I miss you and can’t wait to see you again!

Mary Jo Avery: You’re such a nice lady and you crack me up!! We really need to go see Linda again because I think she misses us. I heard she might go to another place to sing too.

Christina Floyd: I’ve never met you but you’ve helped me a lot. You inspired me to take my writing more seriously and I honestly thank you for that!

Molly Saez: Just seeing your name makes me laugh because that’s how much of a joke you are to me. I’m kidding! Molly you’re so funny and having math with you is just a blast! You’re a really funny outgoing person and getting to know you has been a super fun time! We should honestly hang out some time because I think that would be super funny.

Maile Starz: You and my boyfriend are super BFF’s even though I never see you two talk. Anyways you’re super pretty and we never really talk. Bummer :/

Sam Miller: I never came to pick up money for your entertainment book, oops sorry.

Nick Stack: Oh there’s just so much to say about you! You and I go way back, all the way back to the 3rd grade. I know we don’t talk much and it sucks but it’s really nice to know how matter how busy we get or how little we talk we can just pick up and tell each other almost anything. I promise I’m going to make more of an effort to text you since I’m not so busy these days and we have to get together and hang out soon!

Matt Timm: We used to talk in history, you used to make fun of me a lot. In a good way. Why don’t we talk anymore? I don’t know but it should obviously change. You have the best sense of humor.

Marlee Freitag: You’re so smart, and really nice. You’re a good singer and an even better photographer. You’re really talented and I’m glad to know you but I don’t think we talk enough.

Desirae Nankin: You’re such a nice person… well sometimes. I really like you and your personality. I don’t think you should ever try and change for anyone because if they expect you to be something else they’re obviously not worth your time. I don’t know if you’re really leaving Hale but if you are it was nice being in band together even though you hated your instrument. You’re awesome and don’t let anyone tell you anything less.

Trever Carper: I think you’re too cocky. But you’re such a creative person and you’re really going to go far in life, even if you are a Cardinals fan.

Katy Banks: I miss you! You totally need to come back soon. I haven’t texted you in a while and I know it’s been a while since you and Chris had your “weekly” Wednesday calls. Anywho, I feel like I can tell you anything and I think of you as family, I hope you think of me as the same!

Jess Jaeckles: We haven’t talked in a while but we really need to go to Yo Mamas soon! You’re really nice and super funny.

Danielle Leslie: You’re really funny and very nice. We seem to be involved in a lot of the same things together which also means your talented and we probably have something in common. Let’s talk more!

Leopoldo Rocha: You were the Editor of The Patriot for like a week last year but then you left so I didn’t really get to know you but I read your article you posted the other day and I thought it was really good. But other than that I don’t really know what else to say about you.

Sam Koenig: So for the sake of your reputation I won’t say all the things I’d like to. But you’re a really funny guy and I know I make fun of you and tell you no one will ever love you but it’s so not true, some weirdo is going to fall in love with your weird sense of humor and you will battle to the death with syrup ladies and it will be a happily ever after for you.

Nicole Lang: You still really intimidate me. But you’re really nice and very smart. I wish I had swagger like you.

Rosie Avery: I love you, you’re so funny and I don’t care what anyone says about you you’re probably one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. I know we’ll be friends forever and girl, I don’t love you forever, I love you fiveever (which is more than forever)

Esteban Alvarado: You’re too funny for your own good. And your laugh is just hysterical. You and Robert need to come by the house again sometime, I only include him because somebody has to do it.

Justin Flood: You’re so talented! I don’t know you very well (which should change) but I know you’re going to go places with all your talent!




Mention Monday.

He’s known as JAWS BITEM, he records a lot of hip hop, freestyle and he does some pop when he’s in the mood. He got started with his music when he was 16, he free styled two songs that were on the radio and as time went on his skills improved and now he’s recording his own music which he loves doing not only for himself but for his fans as well. After talking with JAWS BITEM yesterday he seems like a guy who does it simply because he enjoys it. He’s not in it for the money, he does it because he loves to record, he loves the music and he likes putting his work out there for everyone else to enjoy! Being a musician myself my favorite question to ask is what their favorite thing about being a musician is and I just loved his response, he told me “The way that you look at everything around you is different.  Like hearing sounds or words to incorporate in my music.”  JAWS BITEM says his biggest supporters would be his family, they helped him build his own studio and they’ve always supported his music.

I thought it would be a good idea to listen to his music (because you can’t just talk about something or someone you have no idea about) and I love this music, its original, fun, and not like all the trash that people say is music. He’s the real deal and I have a feeling if he keeps getting all the support from his friends and family we’ll be hearing him on the radio in no time!

My favorite song of his, as well as his favorite song to record is his newest song “Panda”.

If freestyle rap is what you’re into I just know you’ll love his music, so check out his Facebook page and give love and support.

Showing Support.

Eventually some day, when the time is right and if my talent is good enough, I’d like to become a famous writer. I know or know of people who are doing what they can to become actors, writers, singers, musicians, these people live in my community and I’ve always been one to be supportive and helpful.

That being said I’ve got some news for you! You know how on twitter then have “Mention Monday”? Well, this blog now also has a Mention Monday. I will be talking about people around my community who are doing whatever they can to make their mark in this world.

Not only will this be for people in my community but if you also have a talent feel free to send me an email describing what you do, send pictures, audio, videos, or some of whatever it is you do. Just know people I know or that are in my area will be mentioned first. After the week is over they will go on the new page I will create titled “Past Mentions”

I hope this is something that will last a while and not just a one or two person kind of thing.

If you have a talent or anything you’d like to share email me at

Don’t be shy, this can only help you!