One Thousand

I keep having this dream, it’s a rather peculiar dream.

How about I tell you about it.

I am on my way home from dinner with a very nice boy, he is tall and very beautiful, yet the second I saw him that night I knew it would never be. I knew that I would never love that man, and though I knew such a brutal truth so soon, I decided to chance dinner with this fine man, we talk, and laugh, it is a lovely night.

As we approach my apartment on a very busy street in a very busy city, on a very busy night he turned to me and said this:

My dear Veronika, I know you will never love me, believe me I’ve tried to make you love me many times in this life, I always fail. You like me, and you will always be there for me when I need you, you will never love me. Now this may not make sense, but I am here right now because you need me, not right this moment, but things are changing, and you will become an important person in our future.”

I gawk at this beautiful man, and I don’t understand why, but I feel his sincerity. Deep within my soul I know that he is telling me the truth. 

What is your name?” I ask, the curiosity getting the better of me.

The man smiled a smile that made me feel as though I’d lived one thousand lives with him. 

“Well now, you’ve gone an forgotten my name?” he jumped in front of me on the very busy sidewalk, disregarding the very busy people, bowed before me and said,

The names Beval”

and of course that is the very moment I awake every night I have this dream. Somewhere inside my soul I feel that Beval is real, that he is searching for me and finding me in my dreams instead of on this land. This means I must go and find him, I believe he is real. 


Inhale the Creativity

This is a work of fiction, and nothing more. 

   He couldn’t remember the last thing she said before she died

But it was probably a lie, about some guy in some place, who made her feel like she was in outer space.

   He couldn’t remember the last thing she said before she died

He wished it would have been something kind, something nice. Then again, she wasn’t a nice girl, she didn’t say the things you wanted to hear, specifically because you wanted to hear it.

She was cold, heartless, but not very old. If she could have been a little nicer, he was sure she would have, it wasn’t her fault. And even though she hurt him in the deepest places, he would always wait for her.

He waited until the day she died, he couldn’t remember the last thing she said to him. It was tearing him apart, had it been a nice comment? Or was it another one of her games? Every day since her death he pondered, but still he had nothing. He supposed it didn’t really matter, he remembered the last thing he’d said to her, and that was enough to keep him awake at night. 

It wasn’t meant to be said, and now she’s dead. With words head that he’ll forever regret. 

Insanity Might Be The Case

Some days are good days.

 I like those days, they feel happy and light, they make the whole living process seem simple.

As much as I love having a good day, of course I have a load of bad days. 

 I mean horrible, dreadful, sad fucking days. 

Yet now I realize that bad days aren’t the hard days. 

    It’s the good days that are hard.

Sure, it’s easy to let every bad event make you mad, to feel like the world is against you is easier than saying

No world, today is not your day.

But it’s not easy to wake up every day and say

out loud

to whoever is or is not listening

Okay day, I’m gonna kick your ass.

Because there is a lot that can happen in a day, and instead of being free spirited, and open to anything, we try to hide ourselves in this indestructible box, with the idea that nothing bad can happen to us.

Unfortunately, we were not made with the option of being invincible, or free of hurt, pain, destruction. We were made for just the opposite.

We feel to live

We live to die

But since we’re here we might as well wake up every day

just to say

Today is for me. 

#Reverb13: The Clock is Dead

I never asked for much.

I never asked for money we didn’t have.

I never asked for a nicer house.

I never asked You to make my parents love each other when they couldn’t. 

Oh God believe me when I say I don’t need much, please believe me when I tell You that I never expected anything.

I waited my turn, and I waited oh so patiently.

Giving up my spot in line to those just a little bit more sad than me. 

I never strayed away, never got mad, I knew that when my turn came I’d be thankful for all that You’d do for me. 

Now I’ve been waiting in this line for nineteen years and my feet are tired.

I’ve lost in this line more than I’ve won.

Oh Lord is it ever going to be my turn?

I wasn’t asking then but I’m asking now.

Should I put my blind faith in the idea that You’re doing your best?

That you can’t get to me til’ you’ve helped all the rest?

I want to believe that’s true, 

but after all this time it’s near impossible to do.

So for now I’m throwing in the towel, I hate to say that my faith isn’t enough these days.

Someone somewhere needs You more than I do, and I know your head is in the right place.

I’m sorry that my beliefs are shaken, but what more can I do when I’ve waited and waited with not even a sign.

I’m not ready to grieve with You over what my life has become, because this war I’m fighting I’ve come out undone. 




#Reverb13: Always Thinking About Something.

I’m going to first express how excited I am to be doing Reverb13! Last year was my first time doing anything like it and the whole experience really changed my perspective on my writing, and honestly my life. So, I’m hoping this is exactly what I need to find myself yet again.

Today is an interesting day because it works perfectly with the very first prompt: How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?

The past twenty four hours have been exciting, aggravating, and incredibly stressful (and all done on five hours of sleep). So I’ve been pretty crabby and anti-social all while jonesing for a smoke. At one point today I got really upset and craved for my mom, only to become more upset by not having her. 

Today on this very first day I feel emotional.

Today on this very first day my mind is cluttered.

On this very first day my body hurts from too much work,

My heart hurts without the person I’d never thought I could lose. 

And yet on this very first day,

I feel a lightness in my soul.

As if there’s going to be a little more tomorrow than there was today.

And I felt my soul dance,

When for just one second all of my thoughts stopped.

I let my soul take over me,

For just one second, I wasn’t in pain.

And then my soul did something I won’t ever be able to explain

My soul opened up and I felt happiness.

My soul let me in and she whispered in my ear.

She told me that after all of this there will be something beautiful.