thoughts

Brain Matter


A simple idea is formed in my mind every few seconds, I don’t know where they come from, I usually don’t know where they intend to go, yet I appreciate every one so deeply. My mind sometimes feels like a busy New York street, buzzing and beeping! An awful thing here a delightful thing there, an infinite amount of action and not enough time to see it all happen piece by piece.

I kick myself from time to time because I do not sit down and jot anything down, all those thoughts wasted.. erased. So long New York, you talented state, I waste you away and I cannot give you one good reason why, this life is throwing everything at me and I think I have nothing. That’s wrong, I have my writing, my knitting, and a cute little puppy. I find comfort in the negative, again, not sure as to why. Forgetting there are things in my life to be proud of, sure I didn’t send a robot to the moon, or write the latest pop break up song. Yet by simply being me, by simply being here, that is enough to be thankful for. Hope is only a tiny little person walking down Bleecker Street, and one thought will only get ya so far. So here’s to you, you lazy shmuck, don’t forget to live the life you always said you would. There are people out there who are counting on you to fail, for their own feeble minds are ready to dine on your woes.

**Please share feedback, I’m having conflicting thoughts on this one. Thanks!

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Simple Misunderstandings


Understand this and only this.
There is no end to the madness.
Whenever it feels like it may be over
The second you feel like you can breathe
Those are the moments you should fear the most.
No one knows why this is.
And honestly there is no reason to question it.
When you begin to question the things that should remain unknown
You begin to flirt with death.
Situations like that never end well my dear.
I know many things you’ll never care about.
I know many things none of you may never know about.
You notice me when you see me.
But when you notice me it’s only what you can see with those
Shallow eyes.
Never will you see me for what I was intended to be.
Not until I rip this mask from my face, and show you all the demons inside of me.
Even then, when I have everything exposed before you
EVEN THEN
You still just will not see me.
Instead you’ll take a quick peek into yourself and see all the imperfections
The ones you never quite wanted to believe.
I will ruin you, everything you ever loved about yourself
Destroyed.
And what for?
Just so you can hear about my poor lost soul?

A letter to the Writer


Dear writer,
You should understand that I don’t mean to cage you. I don’t mean to hide you away, in fact I urge you to come and play.  Oh writer the ideas that are within you are pure perfection,  and I’m sorry that I am not doing you justice.  I convey your thoughts as best I can, but sometimes it feels all too much.  How do I brinf these people you’ve created to life? How do I build the world around them?  Please writer, help me, help you. I want nothing more than to give life to your ideas.

Write back, dear writer.

Reverb13: Poetic Justice


I see a world of possibilities

I hear endless ideas 

I smell nothing beautiful

I taste freedom 

I touch success

and then I see it move a few steps forward

and I hear the voices of my enemies telling me in impossible

I smell rage and hate

I taste bitterness

I touch nothing.

I see potential 

I hear my mom cheering me on

and I touch victory. 

#Reverb13: Always Thinking About Something.


I’m going to first express how excited I am to be doing Reverb13! Last year was my first time doing anything like it and the whole experience really changed my perspective on my writing, and honestly my life. So, I’m hoping this is exactly what I need to find myself yet again.

Today is an interesting day because it works perfectly with the very first prompt: How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?

The past twenty four hours have been exciting, aggravating, and incredibly stressful (and all done on five hours of sleep). So I’ve been pretty crabby and anti-social all while jonesing for a smoke. At one point today I got really upset and craved for my mom, only to become more upset by not having her. 

Today on this very first day I feel emotional.

Today on this very first day my mind is cluttered.

On this very first day my body hurts from too much work,

My heart hurts without the person I’d never thought I could lose. 

And yet on this very first day,

I feel a lightness in my soul.

As if there’s going to be a little more tomorrow than there was today.

And I felt my soul dance,

When for just one second all of my thoughts stopped.

I let my soul take over me,

For just one second, I wasn’t in pain.

And then my soul did something I won’t ever be able to explain

My soul opened up and I felt happiness.

My soul let me in and she whispered in my ear.

She told me that after all of this there will be something beautiful.

This is Happiness


Today is the very last day of spring break.

Today was the day I woke up right as church was ending (an honest accident)

Today I have to do all the homework I haven’t gotten to since break started.

Today is the day Charlie wouldn’t stop whining to go outside.

Today is the day that I didn’t have to put on 6 layers of clothes just to stand outside with my dog.

Today is the day we actually ran around the yard.

Today I laughed, and it felt good.

Spring is here, and there are less than 100 days of school.

I’m not stressed, I feel fresh and new. I feel like everything that’s ever bothered me has disappeared. It’s sunny outside, and there’s a cool breeze. I made a cup of tea and just enjoyed my life. 

Because what’s the point of living if you’re not going to enjoy it?

I looked at the world differently today. It feels good to let your cares go away, who needs em.

Charlie made me laugh, he made me feel playful. He made me notice that the love of a dog is unlike any other love. 

I thought about my mom today, and how much she hated being outside. But this is the kind of weather she would be excited for. Today is the kind of day where should would actually wear a short sleeve shirt, maybe even shorts regardless of how self conscious she was about herself. My mom would have found our super over-sized pitcher and made the best sweet tea ever. 

Today is a perfect day of spring, and while I would love to have my mom here with me today I know she’s happy, and that makes me happy. 

#reverb12 Day 23: What will you let go of?


Let Go & Let Live. Every year people make New Years Resolutions. And I don’t know about you guys but since we’re all friends here I’ll let you in on a  little secret: I’ve never made a New Years Resolution.

Why is that? Well it’s simple, I already know that I won’t do them so why bother?

And that is one of the things I will be letting go of in 2013. I think of a lot of things in a negative way. I’m very positive, but I have a tendency to think negative as well. So come 2013 I’m going to try my darndest not to be so negative, because that’s no fun right?

Those of you who know me know that I’m a little bold. Those of you who knew me know that I used to be more outspoken than I am today. Well, I’m letting go of the fear of being stared at, or disagreed with, or turned against. If I have an opinion I’m going to share it, if I’m fighting for something I will not fight silently. Why? Because I was given a powerful voice, and I was given awesome leadership qualities. So why shouldn’t I be using them? Why shouldn’t I be doing all I can to change what little I can in such a big world?

The third and final thing I plan to let go of in 3013 is myself.

Weird right? When I say this I mean I intend to relax a little more. I’m not going to worry about things that aren’t going to be of any help in a year. I’m going to focus on the here and now, and take everyday one step at a time. Because you never know what’s going to happen, what opportunities may arise or what plans may fall through. You can never be sure.

Happy Holidays!

#reverb12 Day 12: Your most intense emotions?


Hello everyone, and happy 12/12/12! I know you’ve seen it all over Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, what have you but I just figured I’d wish it happy for you and hopefully you are all having a fantastic Wednesday.

Today was a rough day for me, today was the first day that I wasn’t just hit with a few minutes of sadness about my mom, but the whole day was a tad depressing to me. I made it through the day though, and I will make it through many more though I know there will be more days like this to come.

As for our exciting #reverb12 prompt, I shall talk about my most intense emotion. Which again is a tough one, being the extrovert I am I feel all emotions very strongly. At the end of the day I do feel my strongest emotion is pride, a complex emotion, but an emotion none the less.

I feel pride is my most intense emotion because I am reminded by so many things that no matter what I’ve been through that I am still here, and that in itself is enough to feel one hundred emotions alone.  I am here, and I am strong, and I am a good person. I have pride in everything I do and that makes my days feel a little more important.

It is  hard to stay positive though, not just because my mom died, and not just for me either. I believe staying in a positive mood and seeing everything in an optimistic light is a challenge for everyone. It’s so easy to be mad at someone, or to think life is dreadful, to kick yourself for doing poorly on a test. It’s hard to walk away and think it will all be okay.  Because in that exact moment it doesn’t feel okay, and at times it feels like nothing will ever be right. Some days it’s okay to feel that way, but if you spend every day thinking in such a negative manner one will never reach the full potential of their life.

Whisper to yourself:

It’s okay, I did good, Everything will be fine, I’m here

I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes the positive reinforcement helps. To have pride in yourself and everything you do isn’t something that just happens over night. It takes a lot of work, practice, and most importantly patience. Bad things are going to happen (trust me I know) that will make you feel like the smallest thing on the planet. Some days I feel insignificant, and honestly it’s just sad. But then I whisper I’m here and I don’t care if others look at me like I’m a schizophrenic, their not the ones who are making me feel good about me so to hell with em’!

It’s okay to have a bad day, or two, or twenty, but don’t let it consume your life. You have complete control, so take a deep breath, smile and whisper It will be okay. And take pride in every single thing you do!

Have a fantastic night all 🙂

 

This One is for You


This blog post is completely fiction, but I hope it helps you.

My name is Steven, I’m 14 years old and I hate my parents. I hate my parents because I never get what I want. Last week I asked if I could stay at my friend’s house until 8 and my mom said no and picked me up at 7! I told my parents I wanted a pot roast for dinner and my mom said “That takes too long, I’m just going to make home-made pizza for dinner tonight.” My life is so unfair, sometimes I wish I was never born.

My name is Lia and I’m 17, I was raped and I got pregnant. My parents don’t believe me. I’m not 4 months pregnant, homeless, and scared. I asked my boyfriend if I could stay with him for a while, but he thinks I cheated on him and am now pregnant with someone else’s child. I don’t go to school anymore because I’m ashamed of myself. I know that being raped wasn’t my fault, but why doesn’t anyone else think so either?

My name is Kat and 16.  I’m a straight A student, President of the Senior Class, Aspiring Lawyer, and my parents pride and joy. Everyone likes me and wants to be my friend. My life seems perfect but there’s just one thing: I’m a lesbian. I feel like I can’t tell anyone because everyone will hate me and all my hard work will mean nothing. I feel like I’m not living because I’m not being who I really am.

My name is Zack and I’m 22. I have a wife, 2 kids and 1 dog. I make enough money to keep my family happy and I love my job. It’s taken years to get to this point but I’m glad I finally made it. I couldn’t be happier with my life right now.

My name is Mandy and I’m 91, I’ve lived my life and I’ve watched my kids grow up, it’s been a rough life, but it was all worth it. I’m old, and I can’t do much, but I’m happy with what I’ve done with my life. I’ve changed lives, and inspired many people. In this very moment almost everything is perfect, the one thing missing is my husband Mac, he died 1 year ago and boy do I miss him. His love was what made my world go round. Now that he’s gone.. well… life just isn’t the same anymore.

 

Everyone’s story is different, what’s yours?

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They’re Smoothielicious!


 Banana Oatmeal SmoothieSo as you can see this is a Banana Oatmeal Smoothie, I saw it on pinterest and immediately thought I needed to try it, and I know I don’t post recipes on here but this one was so good I just had to post it.

Oh by the way if you’re thinking I’m giving you the recipe for a BOS then I’m sorry to have misled you. I didn’t have Bananas at my house so I mixed it up a little. My Great Grandparents had given us a ton  of apples to take home from Michigan so I decided to try and make a Apple Oatmeal Smoothie, and let me tell you: It was delicious.

So here’s what I did:

-I had 1 cup of oats and 1 1/3 of water, mixed it together then microwaved it.

-I put two cups of milk in the blender

-While I waited for the oatmeal to be done I began cutting 1 apple (I would prefer using 1 1/2)

-When the Oatmeal was done I put it in the blender, then added the cut up apple pieces

-Then I added brown sugar (not a specific amount just as much as I wanted), honey, and a dash of cinnamon (again no specific measurements on this one)

-I then closed the blender and blended

You can drink immediately after blending or add ice to drink it chilled.

My mom hasn’t tried it yet but so far I think it’s amazing. It tastes just like oatmeal with the sweetness of apples and brown sugar.

After making this smoothie I was thinking about it and I think I want to start making more smoothies and selling them. My business would be called “Smoothielicious”. I’d probably charge about 2.00 and if you give me your mug I’d fill it with whatever you asked for and bring it to you the next day (obviously this is meant for students at Hale) What do you think?