No Rush

It’s pretty common for me to start my day thinking I will get a lot done.

A lot, like way more than I can handle.

I always do this, then when the end of the day rolls around I feel defeated. Why should I feel good about myself when I didn’t accomplish all the things I wanted to?

Slow down

We are constantly being held to high standards and being told to multi-task, to use that five minutes of down time to be productive in another way.

Why?

When did it become a requirement to get so much done in one day to feel successful?

I’m a mom

A full time student

A partner

A person

That’s a lot to be doing, so if I can do all of this shouldn’t that be enough?

The society we live in is incapable of taking a moment to just appreciate who we are and how we got here. Instead, constant stress about things we could be doing invades our minds.

I make lists with way too many tasks, I beat myself up to when it doesn’t get done, and not a single thing on that list is ever related to self care.

I am working on slowing down, making myself a priority, and only giving myself what I can handle.

Its time to press the reset button, determine our goals, and understand that if we can’t get it all done that’s not a failure, it’s reality.

Write it down.

Say it out loud.

Remind your friends.

We only get this life, these moments, use your time wisely but do not forget to live freely.

I Love Me

Unwanted hair

Stretch marks

Too skinny

Too fat

Broad shoulders

Chicken legs

Acne

Bad hair day

These are the things we loathe when we look in the mirror. We look at all of these things and wonder why we don’t look like someone else, how will we ever be Instagram worthy? You’ve thought this and you’ve seen the people in the magazines or on bug screens and you compare yourself to what you’ll never amount to.

We all do it, I’m not sure how we started or if we’ll ever stop.

I am a victim of this myself. My body has changed and I don’t always like what I see. It’s a constant struggle to remind myself that I am worthy of more than self deprecating remarks and constant comparisons. I earned my stretch marks and was gifted beautiful children. My scars tell stories of vulnerability and a mistake (or two) with a quesadilla press. The hair on my body is beyond my control and instead of conforming to a standard of beauty that is damn near unattainable I tell myself it’s okay to go without shaving my legs, do people really have nothing better to do than to look down at me for the hair on my legs?

The clothes I wear and the style I desire do not always go hand in hand but my personality and human nature are far more interesting. I want to talk to people about what matters and not what everyone is else looks like.

We constantly compare ourselves to others, I don’t know how we started or if we’ll ever stop.

I’m learning to love myself and to do so I’ve had to look at the things I don’t like and ask myself why I don’t like them.

Were you teased about it?

Has society deemed in undesirable?

Have you beaten that tiny little part of you to a point where it’s become the enemy?

I’ve done all of these. I’ve done extensive damage to myself by continuously saying I’m not good enough.

Oh but my beautiful friends we are good enough.

We are capable of love

Our laughs carry infections joy

Our body’s comfort others when they are low

Our souls connect with others and they say I love you.

If we can love another we need to make it a point to love ourselves.

These things we have conditioned ourselves to hate likely mean nothing to those around us. These people are happy we are alive, that our paths have crossed. These people are too busy dealing with their own insecurities to be looking down on you.

Tell people how you feel.

Tell them your insecurities.

Tell then how you feel about them.

We do not take enough time in a day to remind people how important they truly are in our lives.

If we make it a priority to have an open conversation with the people we love, we could learn a lot more about others as well as ourselves.

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for let be vulnerable with you.

Continue working to love yourself, you’ll get there I promise.

Thank you for being in this moment.

Until next time.

Who Are You?

All of these things around you

The things you have learned

Memories in your brain

Who are you?

What makes you tick?

Are the goals you have the ones you had?

When was it that you really felt pain?

That you understood what it meant to stand alone?

Have you felt true love?

Who are you?

What has your mark been on this world?

Will you exist after you die?

Brain Jumble

The Scream (1893)

Con·fu·sion

kənˈfyo͞oZHən/

noun

 lack of understanding; uncertainty

If you tell someone a secret, the second you speak it, does that no longer make it a secret?

Why does one tell said secret to begin with? If it is worth protecting then I suppose it shouldn’t be spoken at all. Those given secrets are not to be trusted, to keep something safe from others is a near impossible thing to do. The beauty of a secret is how it can flourish into something no one ever expects.

If you tell someone’s secret does that make you an asshole?

Absolutely, but don’t worry about it, it happens to the best of us.

People aren’t meant to have secrets, people are never meant to have anything for themselves. Of course we believe we do, because we made so much stuff to have. People are entitled, to what? I am unsure.

En·ti·tled

inˈtīdld,enˈtīdld/

adjective

 Believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment

 Free music, cell phones, respect, happiness, all of these things we feel that we just deserve to have. As if we did anything to deserve it in the first place, there is no reason any of these things should be ours. Because you pay someone to have items? Does that actually make it yours?

                 There are many things we could be doing, yet we are building up a new way of life. Evolution at it’s finest. If Darwin himself was here, would he appreciate how we have moved forward? Is this innovation?

In·no·va·tive

ˈinəˌvādiv/

adjective

 1. (of a product, idea, etc.) featuring new methods; advanced and original.

• (of a person) introducing new ideas; original and creative in thinking.

Well, if anyone can be innovative these days than I have a new idea, and it is original, it also requires you to think.

There are so many things you can be doing, living a life worth talking about in a few years. This life does not have to be confined to the tiny screens we have grown to love, there is a world that is yours to do whatever you want with. There are many things to learn, and they aren’t listed on Buzzfeed, they are the kind of things an article could never cover. The things you could experience cannot be shared online. There is no reason that we have to let our social media define us. We are all guilty of it, myself included, so why not make a change?

Is this the kind of life we want for our future? People looking for short cuts, not getting the real life experience everyone deserves? In ten years we will have lost many American values, because of this technology that surrounds us, will anyone care to recover them? Save them before it’s too late?

I didn’t think so.

Is this the kind of thing you were hoping to read today?

Change

Which one is true: People change, or do they always stay the same?

Obviously we change, develop from a baby to someone with hobbies and dislikes, preferences, and experience. Then again we sometimes develop habits that will never leave us, maybe this means we cheat, or like to have everything perfectly in order. Which on is true?

Can they both be true, applying to different circumstances or even different people all together?

I think everyone is so different in so many ways (obviously you know this too) but what differences really define us as an individual?

Example: I am a writer, she is a dancer.

In this situation our hobbies define us.

Example: He has cancer, she has been in remission for six years.

Does the condition define them, or life and death?

Example: Mom likes to drink, Dad likes to smoke.

Both can kill you, what’s the different?

I could go on and on for days with all the things that make me different from you, but at what point do you distinguish me as someone not in your circle? What makes someone really enjoy your company?

The question I suppose I really want to know the answer to is why does it matter?

Example: I like to write, and my sister likes to dance.

Different hobbies, same blood.

Example: They met during treatment, she is still fighting for him.

Difference?

Example: They picked up bad habits after the unthinkable happened to them.

We are all different, and for our own reasons, so what makes it okay for you to judge someone else for dealing with their life the way that makes sense to them? This life is so complicated because of the countless things that can happen right before your eyes, good or bad. We cannot sit by and continue to judge our fellow humans, instead we need to know when to help, how to address a situation, how to sit before someone and just be there with an open mind.

We are constantly finding reasons to dislike people, and I cannot figure out why. It isn’t more fun, it’s sad that people have become so cliche in such an inhumane way.

That we have to drill it into peoples heads to be nice, because it isn’t the natural way of things anymore. Reminders or happiness and hope are being spread by few to the many who have forgotten. When will we be kind? When will you smile?

Don’t Let This Go Viral

“It is the first responsibility of every citizen to question authority”

-Benjamin Franklin

We killed the news.

When you get on the world wide web, the first place you probably go is Facebook. You check to see what your friends are doing, see if anyone liked your Facebook status, Whilst scrolling along your super exciting timeline I am sure you see plenty of articles like this:

Why Your Second Love Deserves More Credit Than Your First

Nicolas Cage joins Borat director for Osama Bin Laden comedy

And at least four articles from BuzzFeed like this

Of course this is just what people want to read now and unfortunately that is very sad. These aren’t articles, this isn’t news, and it should not be what people care about. Yet these will be shared with countless young people but no way are they tagging each other on BBC posts. Surfing the internet has become a lazy sport at best, if it can be read in simple bullet points it’s worth one minute of internet time.

• Stop being lazy and read more
• Being able to write a relate-able bullet point list doesn’t make you a fantastic writer
• Your article will go viral for a few days at most, after that you are a ghost
• Complaining about the things you don’t have should not be cool, and you should find something more interesting to write about.
• Try harder.

There were people who were and are still laughed at because writing is a waste of time, there is no real talent in it. With the way things are written these days, who could disagree? There is no time, so effort, or skill put into some of these articles. Just the woes of few about things that don’t matter. Why not write about some amazing finds in medicine? Environmental Issues? Current Affairs?

Oh, I apologize. Am I boring you?

#reverb14: Love yourself

It’s all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect. What can you love about where you are now?
—
I am sitting on a couch right now, thinking about the lovely day I had with a person dear to my heart. I have a book in my lap that I plan to read tomorrow, I have a knit project to my left that I am so proud of. I am sitting here thinking that today was a good day, and I love that I feel this way. I have a hard time focusing on myself, its natural to put my energy into others. My stress level reached a point that put me in a place I was not comfortable being in, a place that was changing me into someone I have no desire to be. So I packed a bag and I left, since then I have had a lot of time to reflect in my life. I have let go of the feelings that bring me sadness, and focus on any thing that will make me smile. I love that I have found my true self, I have not forgotten the person I worked hard to be. I am just sitting in a room while everything else continues to happen, and I am feeling love in my heart and joy in my soul.

Brain Matter

A simple idea is formed in my mind every few seconds, I don’t know where they come from, I usually don’t know where they intend to go, yet I appreciate every one so deeply. My mind sometimes feels like a busy New York street, buzzing and beeping! An awful thing here a delightful thing there, an infinite amount of action and not enough time to see it all happen piece by piece.

I kick myself from time to time because I do not sit down and jot anything down, all those thoughts wasted.. erased. So long New York, you talented state, I waste you away and I cannot give you one good reason why, this life is throwing everything at me and I think I have nothing. That’s wrong, I have my writing, my knitting, and a cute little puppy. I find comfort in the negative, again, not sure as to why. Forgetting there are things in my life to be proud of, sure I didn’t send a robot to the moon, or write the latest pop break up song. Yet by simply being me, by simply being here, that is enough to be thankful for. Hope is only a tiny little person walking down Bleecker Street, and one thought will only get ya so far. So here’s to you, you lazy shmuck, don’t forget to live the life you always said you would. There are people out there who are counting on you to fail, for their own feeble minds are ready to dine on your woes.

**Please share feedback, I’m having conflicting thoughts on this one. Thanks!

Write A Little Love Note.

This is a work of fiction, and nothing more.

Someone once told me that love was the best thing in the world to have.

I wanted to badly to believe that for a very long time

Meeting people, hoping they were my love.

Praying they were my love.

Dreaming they were my love.

They were always my undoing.

I would cling like a leach a sucker on each end.

Sucking one dry of all he had.

I did not understand why they all left.

What wasn’t there to like about me?

Possibly the fact that I am needy, complicated, and obsessive.

I live in a la la land, a beautiful delusional land where hearts are warm and everyone wants the same thing.

Love.

I have warped my mind, obsessing it with one little tiny thing.

I have forgotten about everything else.

No one cares to see me any longer, I cannot blame them.

I am not in touch with reality.

Someone once told me that love was the best thing in the world to have.

I cannot believe Love is real.

One Thousand

I keep having this dream, it’s a rather peculiar dream.

How about I tell you about it.

I am on my way home from dinner with a very nice boy, he is tall and very beautiful, yet the second I saw him that night I knew it would never be. I knew that I would never love that man, and though I knew such a brutal truth so soon, I decided to chance dinner with this fine man, we talk, and laugh, it is a lovely night.

As we approach my apartment on a very busy street in a very busy city, on a very busy night he turned to me and said this:

“My dear Veronika, I know you will never love me, believe me I’ve tried to make you love me many times in this life, I always fail. You like me, and you will always be there for me when I need you, you will never love me. Now this may not make sense, but I am here right now because you need me, not right this moment, but things are changing, and you will become an important person in our future.”

I gawk at this beautiful man, and I don’t understand why, but I feel his sincerity. Deep within my soul I know that he is telling me the truth. 

“What is your name?” I ask, the curiosity getting the better of me.

The man smiled a smile that made me feel as though I’d lived one thousand lives with him. 

“Well now, you’ve gone an forgotten my name?” he jumped in front of me on the very busy sidewalk, disregarding the very busy people, bowed before me and said,

“The names Beval”

and of course that is the very moment I awake every night I have this dream. Somewhere inside my soul I feel that Beval is real, that he is searching for me and finding me in my dreams instead of on this land. This means I must go and find him, I believe he is real.